Bra's Last Bedtime Story
by Saiyan
Summary: What happens when Vegeta makes a bedtime story for Bra and uses people he knows as characters? You have to read it to believe it. Rated R for strong language and sexual humor. People who are easily offended should not read this.


**Bra's Last Bedtime Story** by Saiyan  
  
In this fanfic Bra is 4 years old and Goten is 7 (for the sake of the fic)  
  
"Are you INSANE woman?" Vegeta asked in his usual pissed voice  
"I just think it would be nice if you read a bedtime story to Bra" Bulma replied  
"Why should I?" Vegeta asked  
"You don't have to if you don't want to..." Bulma replied  
"Well I don't" Vegeta interrupted  
"...But if you don't then I might just have to do something about it" Bulma replied  
"And just what could you do?" Vegeta asked mockingly  
"Well how about no sex for a year and I will invite Goku and Chi Chi over three times a week for dinner" Bulma replied  
"You wouldn't dare" Vegeta said testingly  
"Oh really, well then I think I'll just invite them over now" Bulma said  
She walked over to the telephone, picked it up, and began to dial.  
"Alright, I'll read Bra a blasted bedtime story if it will keep Kakarotto in his house and I can still get some" Vegeta said  
"Damn straight you will, now GO!" Bulma yelled  
"By the way I've already invited everyone over for an hour so if you don't want to see them you'd better tell Bra a long story" Bulma said as Vegeta was walking off  
Vegeta walked to Bra's room cussing the whole time about how Bulma always threatens to stop sex and invite Kakarotto over. Vegeta walked into Bra's room.  
"Are you still awake?" Vegeta said in a soft voice as he saw Bra laying in the dark  
Vegeta was hoping that she was asleep so that he would have an excuse to not read her a story but she soon answered  
"Yea, I'm awake" Bra replied  
_DAMN IT, now I'll have to go through with it _Vegeta thought angrily  
"I'm going to read you a bedtime story, what one do you want?" Vegeta asked angrily  
"I want you to make up a story about unicorns and magical fairies and princes being turned into frogs" Bra replied  
_How in the fuck am I supposed to do that _Vegeta thought but decided to give it a shot anyway.  
"Ok well there was this prince.." Vegeta began but was interrupted  
"You HAVE to begin with once upon a time" Bra said in a typical 4 year old voice  
"Do you want a story or not?" Vegeta asked  
"Yes" Bra said  
"Well then it can begin anyway that I want it to" Vegeta growled  
"But stories always begin with once upon a time like when the rabbit jumped the fence and ran across our yard and I saw it and laughed.." Bra began to talk about something totally irrelevant when Vegeta interrupted  
"Ok fine then, once upon a time there was a unicorn.." Vegeta began but was interrupted again   
"I thought it began with a prince" Bra said  
Vegeta was really angry and the vein in his head was now bulging.  
"Once upon a time a prince was walking into the forest when he was turned into a frog" Vegeta said anxious to get the story over with  
"What was his name?" Bra asked  
_What should his name be?_ Vegeta thought and then figured if he had to tell a story he might as well make it interesting  
"His name was Piccolo, but he was no ordinary prince, he was an ugly green piece of shit." Vegeta said with a smile  
"Who turned him into a frog?" Bra asked  
"I'm getting to that" Vegeta said  
"Anyway Piccolo was walking through the forest one day to get some." Vegeta said  
"To get some what?" Bra asked  
_Shit, I can't tell her about sex now, I'll just have to act like she interrupted me before I could finish _Vegeta thought  
"He was going to get some food because his people were hungry and he was too stupid to tell them to get their own food" Vegeta said  
"Oh" Bra replied  
"He went into the forest to kill a few deer so that his people could eat those when he ran across a magical fairy." Vegeta said  
Bra listened attentively.  
"The magical fairy's name was Gohan" Vegeta said as his smile grew and now covered his entire face  
"Now Gohan was no ordinary fairy, he was the fairiest of the fairies" Vegeta said with that same smile still plastered to his face  
"He was also an evil fairy, he told Piccolo that until he got him the magical unicorn he would remain a frog" Vegeta said  
"But he hasn't been turned into a frog yet" Bra said  
"Well after Gohan said that he turned Piccolo into a frog" Vegeta said  
_That look would be a major improvement for him _Vegeta thought  
"After being turned into a frog Piccolo decided to find the magical unicorn so that he could capture it and go back to being a piece of shit..er..I mean a prince" Vegeta said  
"What happened next daddy?" Bra asked  
"Well Piccolo went to the village and when he got there he met the village idiot, his name was Saiyan" Vegeta said  
"Saiyan told him that he was incredibly stupid and that he could not get a ten dollar hooker if he had a fifty dollar bill hanging out of his pants" Vegeta continued but then I entered the room  
"You bastard, how did you know about that?" I asked as I punched Vegeta in the face and left  
"Who was that daddy?" Bra asked  
"I guess that was Saiyan, well I don't have to worry about a weakling like that but I think I'll change the village idiot's name anyway" Vegeta said  
"The village idiot's name was Kakarotto, and he was astonishingly stupid" Vegeta said  
"He decided to follow Piccolo on his quest for the magical unicorn because he thought Piccolo was a magical elephant with golden tusks, in fact he called him magical elephant with golden tusks" Vegeta said  
_Well that should be about accurate as far as Kakarotto's intelligence level _Vegeta thought  
(Note: From this point until the end of the story Vegeta is talking so I will not say Vegeta said this or Vegeta said that because it might become confusing)  
One day Piccolo and Kakarotto were walking when they saw a prostitute.  
"Hi, I'm Kakarotto and this is a magical elephant with golden tusks, what's your name?" Kakarotto asked the prostitute  
"My name is 18, do you wanna go to it" The prostitute replied  
"My thoughts exactly, lets go find the magical unicorn" Kakarotto replied  
"Oh I think I know where to find the magical unicorn" 18 said in a sexy voice while pulling at Kakarotto's pants  
"REALLY? Well then you can join us on our quest, let's go" Kakarotto said as he started pulling 18 to the forest  
"You idiot, I was talking about sex, but I guess I could travel with you, after all there are a lot of men in the forest who haven't been with a woman for a long time and I could make some good money, but let me get my sister first" 18 said as she ran off  
She soon returned with a young girl  
"This is my sister Videl, she is a skanky slut lesbian and we are going with you" 18 said  
Then they walked into the woods and soon arrived at another village. They looked around for a while and noticed a short guy with stupid black hair getting the shit kicked out of him.  
"Oh no that guy's in trouble, Pikachu I CHOOSE YOU!!!" Kakarotto yelled as he picked up Piccolo and threw him at the guys  
"You moron, I'm NOT a Pokemon!!!" Piccolo yelled as he was hurdling toward the guys  
He soon hit one of them in the head and ricocheted into all the others knocking them unconscious.   
"Thanks you guys, I appreciate it" the short guy said as he stood up  
"Why were they attacking you?" 18 asked  
"I don't know, probably because I was prostituting their ten year old daughters" the short guy said  
"So you're a pimp huh, what's your name?" 18 asked  
"I'm Krillin" Krillin said  
So Krillin joined them on their journey for the magical unicorn too and one day they came across a traveling circus.  
"Oh boy a circus they should have lots of horney clowns!" 18 said excitedly  
"And LESBIANS!" Videl replied happily  
Then 18 and Videl left the others and promised to be back in a few hours, the others looked around until they saw something that interested them.  
"Ooo, let's see the freak show" Kakarotto said  
"I don't think we should" Piccolo said  
"But why not magical elephant with golden tusks" Kakarotto replied sadly  
"BECAUSE YOU THREW ME AT THOSE MEN, and worst of all YOU CALLED ME PIKACHU!!! I can't stand that furry little piece of dog shit!" Piccolo replied  
"Don't you mean elephant shit, after all you are an elephant" Kakarotto replied  
"I am NOT an elephant, I am a FROG!" Piccolo replied angrily  
"OH, o..k..frog" Kakarotto said disbelievingly  
"Forget it you dumb ass, let's just go" Piccolo said angrily  
They walked into the freak show car and saw many freaks in cages, first they saw a midget  
"Wow, a midget, what's your name" Kakarotto asked the midget  
"My name is Goten, but damnit I'm NOT A MIDGET, I'm a little boy who was kidnapped by this crazed ringleader!" Goten began but it was obvious Kakarotto had stopped paying attention to him  
"WOW, a bearded lady...WITHOUT A BEARD, how cool!!" Kakarotto said astonished  
"You fucking moron, I'm just a regular lady" the lady replied  
"What's your name?" Kakarotto asked  
"My name is Chi Chi!" The lady yelled  
"Man what a bitch" Kakarotto whispered to Piccolo  
"Get me out of here!" Chi Chi ordered  
Kakarotto complied and Chi Chi was freed, they were about to leave when Goten said something.  
"Get me out of here too you jerk!" Goten yelled  
"Ok" Kakarotto said  
So he released Goten and they left the freak car and as soon as they did 18 and Videl approached.  
"Wow, I was right there were a lot of horney clowns and I made a lot of money" 18 said holding up a handful of one hundred dollar bills  
"I had sex with ten lesbians at the same time, it was great" Videl said happily  
Then they ran into the forest because they saw that the ring leader had discovered that they had freed two of the freaks.  
"Wow bearded lady without a beard, that was close" Kakarotto said  
"I told you I am an ORDINARY LADY!" Chi Chi said angrily  
"Sure you are, just like the magical elephant with the golden tusks is really a frog" Kakarotto said sarcastically  
"He sure is a moron isn't he" Chi Chi said to Piccolo  
"You have no idea, sexy" Piccolo replied  
"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?" Chi Chi asked astonished  
"I called you sexy, what you don't have a problem with frogs do you?" Piccolo asked  
"No, but I'm a lesbian" Chi Chi replied  
"You ARE? Damn you are the sexiest lesbian I have ever seen! Wanna fuck?" Videl asked while staring at Chi Chi  
"I'd love to, but later" Chi Chi replied  
"Yea, now we have to go find the magical unicorn so the magical elephant with golden tusks can be turned back into a half pig half monkey" Kakarotto said  
Everyone stared at him with a look in their eyes that said "You are the biggest idiot I have ever met" except for Videl who stared at Chi Chi's ass with a look that said "I can't wait to taste that"  
They walked into the woods not really knowing where they were going when they ran into an old man who had three eyes.  
"Hello young ones, what is it you're looking for" The old man said  
"Look at this shit, WE were put in a freakshow and HE WASN'T!" Goten yelled  
"What is your name?" Piccolo asked  
"I am Tien the elder" Tien replied  
"Tell us oh wise one, can you turn the magical elephant with golden tusks back into a half goat half cow?" Kakarotto asked  
Tien just stared at him for a moment with a confused look.  
"Don't worry about it, he's an idiot" Piccolo said  
"I sure am!" Kakarotto replied and then started to eat dirt  
"Could you tell us where the magical unicorn is at?" Piccolo asked  
"Yes, I know where he is, but what do you need him for?" Tien asked  
"Because this fairy named Gohan turned me into a frog and said I could not go back to being a prince until I brought him the magical unicorn" Piccolo replied  
"Wow, you're a prince, do you think I could be your royal hooker?" 18 asked  
"Sure, I'd like that a lot" Piccolo said  
"The magical unicorn is located just over those mountains there" Tien said pointing to the east  
"However only five people a day can travel over those mountains so two of you will have to stay behind" Tien replied  
"Well I guess I will voluntee..." Krillin began but was interrupted  
"CHI CHI AND ME WILL STAY BEHIND!!" Videl yelled in a tone that said it was more of an order than a request  
"Ok then, are we all ready" Piccolo said  
"I'm not, I want to see you walk like a drunken hick first" Kakarotto said  
"We don't have time for this, beat him down with your pimp cane Krillin" Piccolo said  
"You got it" Krillin said as he started to beat Kakarotto with his pimp cane until he was unconscious  
After that they dragged his body over the mountain and saw the magical unicorn by a waterfall.  
"I know why you're here, and I don't wanna go back!" The magical unicorn said to everyone  
"What do you mean GO BACK?" Piccolo asked  
"I used to be Gohan's slave a long time ago, he would make me watch him have sex with other fairy men and make me watch all kinds of other sick things" the magical unicorn explained  
"That is one SICK bastard to do that to you" Krillin said  
"Or to do it anyway" Piccolo said disgustedly  
"We have to stop him guys, for the MAGICAL ELEPHANT WITH GOLDEN TUSKS!" Kakarotto stated  
"He's not an elephant, he's a frog" the magical unicorn said  
"Don't try and explain it to him, he's just plain stupid" Piccolo said  
"We need you to go with us to stop him for good" 18 said  
"Ok, but I want some of those armor pants that knights wear, who knows what he will try with me" the magical unicorn said  
"No problem, I have some at my castle" Piccolo said  
They all went over the mountain and got to Tien's house again and noticed that Videl and Chi Chi weren't there.  
"Hey, Videl and Chi Chi aren't here" Kakarotto said  
"Wow, he's a regular Einstein isn't he" 18 said sarcastically  
"Where did they go?" Krillin asked Tien  
"Well they wanted to have sex so I pointed them to a natural hot spring just south of here" Tien said  
"Ok then, let's go" Piccolo said  
"Yea, let's go watch them have sex" Kakarotto said excitedly  
"NO!! Let's bring them along with us" Piccolo yelled  
"Oh come on, can't we watch them have sex?" Krillin pleaded  
"Ok fine, we will watch, but only for ten minutes" Piccolo said  
They all walked in the direction that Tien had pointed them in and soon saw a hot spring. They stayed hidden behind some trees and peeked around it but they did not see them anywhere.  
"Where could they be?" Krillin asked in a whisper  
Suddenly they saw both of them standing up and putting their clothes back on.  
"DAMNIT we missed them!" Kakarotto yelled and as soon as he did the two girls turned around and saw them  
"You were a little late, the show's over" Videl said  
"Well then give us another one damnit" Krillin said   
"We would but we are all fucked out" Chi Chi replied  
"Well then we might as well go" Piccolo said and then they all left  
"So I see you got the magical unicorn" Videl said  
"Yea, now we just need to go to Piccolo's kingdom and then to Gohan" Krillin said  
"Why to Piccolo's kingdom?" Chi Chi asked  
"Because us men want to wear armor over our pants so that Gohan doesn't try anything, if you know what I mean" Piccolo said  
"Well then let's hurry up" Chi Chi said  
They walked for about 2 hours before they arrived at Piccolo's kingdom. When they got there they went into the castle and asked Piccolo's father for some armor.  
"Please king Piccolo, give us some armor to wear over our pants" Kakarotto said  
"Ok, fine, I have some extra armor in the weapons room it is down the second hall in the 13th door on the right" King Piccolo said  
They all walked down the 2nd hall and entered the 13th door on the right. It was a huge room with all kinds of swords and spears as well as many other weapons.  
"There they are" King Piccolo said as he pointed toward the back of the room.  
The boys walked over and got the armor and put it on. Then they thanked the king and left. King Piccolo didn't seem to notice any difference in his son's appearance.  
"Now we can go and defeat Gohan" Krillin said  
"You must be very careful how you fight him, he is a sick bastard" The magical unicorn said  
"Well then we will be cautious" Piccolo said  
They headed into the woods and came across the spot where Gohan had turned Piccolo into a frog.  
"Hey Gohan, we caught the magical unicorn!" Piccolo yelled and Gohan soon appeared  
"Good, now you all can be my slaves too and do whatever I say" Gohan said  
"Hey, we brought you the magical unicorn so that you would turn Piccolo back into a prince, not so that we could become your slaves" Krillin said  
"Well too bad, and if you protest I will make you my sex slave" Gohan said to Krillin  
"SHIT NO! I'm not protesting" Krillin said in a scared voice  
"Good, now give me the magical unicorn" Gohan said  
"I have a better idea you fairy" Kakarotto said as he jumped at Gohan and hit him   
The punch killed Gohan and Kakarotto decided it was time to leave. As they were leaving Piccolo turned back into a prince again  
"EEWWWW! That's what you look like? I don't wanna be your royal hooker anymore!" 18 said  
"Fine then, I'll just feed you to the alligators" Piccolo said  
"Alright then, I'll still fuck you, but you'd better pay me $2500 dollars per fuck" 18 stated  
"Ok, I can afford that" Piccolo said  
"Well now that that's all worked out let's go" Kakarotto said  
They all left and went back to Piccolo's kingdom. King Piccolo thanked them for returning the armor and still didn't notice any difference in his son's appearance from when they had visited earlier. 18 became the royal hooker, Krillin became the royal pimp, Chi Chi and Videl became the royal sex show, Goten spent all of his time watching the royal sex show, and Kakarotto became the royal pain in the ass. The End.  
(Note: This is the end of the story that Vegeta told Bra. This is not the end of the fanfic.)  
Vegeta looked at Bra. She was asleep and it looked like she had been asleep for a long time.  
"I guess that story was a little long" Vegeta said and then looked at his watch  
"DAMN! It's been 2 hours since that woman made me come up here to read Bra a story" Vegeta said surprised  
_Oh well I guess it's a good thing, Kakarotto will be home by now, after all she did say she invited everyone for1 hour_ Vegeta thought as he walked out of Bra's room and downstairs  
Vegeta walked into the livingroom and saw everyone was still there.  
"What the hell are you all still doing here?" Vegeta yelled angrily  
Then he noticed that everyone except Yamcha, who looked scared, was staring at him with a look that Vegeta knew well, it was the look he gave Goku so many times, the look that said "I'm going to kill you!"  
"Why are you all looking at me like that?" Vegeta growled and then he heard something directly in front of him and behind the others, a small cough, so small in fact that it had to have come from a child, and Vegeta knew who.  
_How the fuck did Bra get down here without me seeing her _Vegeta thought  
He wanted to know so he pushed everyone out of the way to find out how Bra got down there so quickly when he saw something on the wall that scared the shit out of him.  
"FUCK!!" Vegeta yelled and then jumped against the wall making sure to keep an eye on everyone.  
Vegeta saw the intercom that lead from the livingroom to Bra's room, and it was ON! Vegeta was scared out of his mind. He had just told a story that he knew pissed them all off (except for Yamcha that is) and now he would have to face their wrath.  
"I am NOT GAY, and neither are my mom and wife YOU BASTARD! And my wife is NOT a SKANKY SLUT!" Gohan yelled angrily  
"And I am NOT AN UGLY PIECE OF SHIT!" Piccolo yelled  
"I am not a PIMP and my wife is not a fucking HOOKER!" Krillin yelled in a totally pissed voice  
"And I am not that dumb!" Goku yelled enraged  
"I was just..." Vegeta began to explain when Tien cut him off  
"I am NOT a FREAK and I am NOT OLD EITHER, you SON OF A BITCH!" Tien yelled  
"And I would never insult my friends like that you DICK HOLE!" Goten yelled angrily  
"How the FUCK could you tell Bra a story like THAT?" Bulma yelled  
It was obvious to Vegeta that he'd succeeded to piss everyone off without even trying but now he wanted to stop them from killing him.  
"I didn't mean anything, it was just a story" Vegeta tried to explain but they wouldn't let him off that easily  
"Yea? And this is just my FIST!" Goku yelled as he punched Vegeta in the face. In less than a second everyone was beating the shit out of Vegeta, and that was the last time Vegeta told Bra a bedtime story.  
  
The End 


End file.
